Hey gang, Valkor here. “Suicide Squad”, DC/WB’s super villain film, looks to take center stage next month. However, the folks at Asylum Films – the knockoff/parody/super cheesy film producers are all set with their take on DC’s number – with a fairytale twist! Check it out its “Sinister Squad” and it’s probably the dumbest film you’ll never want to see… or maybe you do?
“Sinister Squad” is something of a sequel to Asylum Film’s take on “The Avengers” last year called – Avengers Grimm. In that story, the four princesses of the fairytale world get sucked into the real world after Rumpelstiltskin broke the magic mirror. For this film, now that the mirror is broken, Rumplestiltskin has trapped Death in the underworld. And now Death (Nick Principe – Laid to rest, The FP) not only wants out but he wants to cause some shit in the real world, but he’ll have to contend with a band of new fairytale characters that want to make sure he stays right where he is. Enter Alice (Christina Licciardi), Goldilocks (Lindsay Sawyer) and Piper (Isaac Reyes), who don’t plan on taking on Death alone; along with the Rumpelstiltskin, Alice forms a special squad… a Sinister Squad if you will, which is made up of some of fairytale’s greatest villains – The Big Bad Wolf (Joseph Michael Harris), Bluebeard (Trae Ireland), and Carabosse (Fione Rene). She even has Rumpel coax an assist from “Alice in Wonderland” Queen of Hearts (Talia A. Davis), who has the ability to control men’s minds… but she has a thing for Rumpel. And just like “Suicide Squad”, Alice uses a special armband to keep her baddies in check; if they go against her wishes or attempt to take off the band, then they’ll go BOOM! Actually… only two characters wear the band. So with such a cast of miscreants, how could Alice and company possibly fail at their mission?
As it turns out they heroes (and villains) have a couple of obstructions to contend with; for starters there's Carabosse, who has a thing for Death and wants to help bring him into the modern world through a ritual using his scythe - the very scythe that Alice has in her compound that, mid-film, is also crawling with Death’s messengers. There’s also Bluebeard, who is under Gelda’s (The Queen of Hearts) control, but he breaks free of that spell once she dies, so shit’s about to get real because he’s mad lusting after Goldilocks. The fairytale heroes also have to deal with Big Bad, who might turn on them if he’s not kept in check. There’s just so much, and I mean so much going on in this film, it’ll make your head spin.
“Sinister Squad” is the type of film that you'll watch late at night when there’s absolutely nothing on television, all of your games have been played, you’re all porned out and there’s literally nothing else to do. I mean why else would you even want to consider watching this? I’ll give you one good reason, but only one, in the TOV Breakdown.
Asylum Films has no shame when it comes to parodying a popular film or franchise, just to cash in on a name; in this case, they’ve chosen “Suicide Squad”, a film that may or may not do well at the box office, which they've put their spin on it. The idea itself is actually quite good and I feel in much better hands, there’s something of a story to be told - and a good story at that. I’m a huge fan of Grimm Fairytales and all things fantasy; so to put together a film based on some of the worst villains in fairytale history is a genius idea. Too bad that’s pretty much where my praise ends…
If I were to do a list of the “worst films of 2016” this year, then “Sinister Squad” would, thus far, be ranked as number one. The idea is sound, but the execution is a total fail. For starters, this is supposed to be something of a sequel to a previous film. Unfortunately, only elements of the previous film are mentioned (Rumpel breaking the magic mirror, plus his character is the carryover); so why not flashback the previous film, if it's all connected? And once the film starts, it jumps right in with the action – no setup, no real backstory, nothing. As if we're supposed to know what's going on. Eventually, you'll catch on, but why not set it up anyway? And as the film plays out, it’s almost as if the cast is literally playing things by ear, because events happen… and I’m not sure why. So Death can only appear on modern earth for a short time before he’s blown away to ash? Or was he just appearing through dead people? Was the Queen of Heart necessary? And where did she come from? Why weren’t Big Bad or Bluebeard fitted with explosive cuffs? There are so many questions… so many questions. Ultimately, the story is a mess with no clear direction of where it’s supposed to go; this was a film that was supposed to be about fairytale villains fighting against Death, only they do more fighting amongst themselves than anything. So then… what was the point?
The makeup job on Carabosse is hideous – and I mean that in a positive light, because if that’s the direction the makeup artist was going for? Then two words “nailed it”!
Given my passion for all things fantasy and fairytale, I really wanted to like “Sinister Squad”; the idea showed promise, but what we’re left with is pure trash. If you’re a night owl, looking for something super cheesy and really bad to watch, and you just happen to come across this film… keep looking for something else! But if you think you can handle its convoluted storyline and really bad acting, then, by all means, give this one a try. So, out of TOV 5 stars, I’m giving “Sinister Squad” an absolute ZERO!