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Train DVD Review

Hey folks, Valkor here. What do you get when take the gruesomeness of such films as Hostel or the Art of the Devil series, add in a bit of the storyline (and also goriness) of Turista, and you slap in a locomotive? You take torture-horror to the next level and you call it “Train”, Nu Image’s 2009 straight to DVD that’s sure to be a hit this Halloween… maybe.

The story of Train revolves around four teens: Alex (Thora Birch), Sheldon (Kavan Reece), Claire (Gloria Votsis), and Todd (Derek Magyar), who along with their American wrestling teammates and coach (Todd Jensen), are involved in a wrestling match in Russia, which is where the film begins – during a match. After the match, one of the Soviet wrestlers invites our four of five main characters to a party; the fifth member, coach’s aid Willy (Gideon Emery) tags along for obvious reasons you’ll see in the film. And WHAT a party!! Boobs are everywhere. And sex? Yea you get some of that too. Visually not a lot, but enough that you get the idea that there’s some serious orgy action taking place. The troop arrives back at the hotel late, missing the train that would take them to their next city, and a very pissed off coach waiting for them. At the train station, the coach tries desperately to get on another train, but being a loud American, no one helps him. Luckily a pretty Russian babe, Velislava (Koina Ruseva) comes to the team’s aid and tells them of another train that will get them to the city of Odessa. But what the team doesn’t know that this is no ordinary train, but one used for entrapping tourist and harvesting their organs for “special cases”. Okay they’re on this train, with a bunch of killers, and no way to get off, what do you guys think will happen next? Torturous, gruesome, bloody, and gory acts of violence will ensue of course! Will you be entertained? Will you be grossed out? Or will you want your money back?

GAY! Called it!!

The Good

Thankfully you might not want the last one of the three choices I gave. I found Train to be entertaining, predictable as hell, but entertaining nonetheless. There are some really gory scenes one character getting his chest sliced open and his breastplate ripped apart, characters get hooked in the face, a tongue gets ripped out, and one character faces pain only scene in such films as “I Spit On Your Grave”… yeah you know the scene.

Line em up!

The Bad

Though this film has its gore, a lot of it is suggested off-screen, or where another character might be blocking the action so you don’t see a lot of it happening. Which is kind messed up because Hostel and Art of the Devil were fierce because of it. This is like a tamer, though equally gory Hostel… but on a train. The second bad is the predictability; I guess that’s more or less nitpicking, but when you can sit and guess, and guess correctly, what will happen scene for scene, well it kinda saps some of the fun. Finally the acting is pretty bad, worse is the fake tears from Alex, who merely whimpers after finding her boyfriend Todd stretched out, scarred up and missing his eyes (he was still alive by the way).

The Ugly

You would think watchin a guy get his junk sliced off would be in the ugly section… well it’s not an ugly. Thankfully it’s one of those scenes you don’t actually see. But watchin poor Claire get taken away by a bunch of soldiers to be done with only god knows… well the imagination can get pretty ugly.

Even Uglier

Somehow Alex, the only survivor, who is able to get off the train, finally grows a pair of balls and GETS BACK ON THE TRAIN, to avenge her friends. And trust me you think it gets better, but it actually gets worse, and sillier.

The Lame

You get a scene with Todd and Alex (Alex is a chick by the way), in the tub together. But the way it was shot, it's obvious they're not together, but filmed individually. Come on, no tub play????

I know I have a lot of negative things to say about Train, and rightfully so. However when it comes time to choose flicks for your Halloween horror fest, I’d definitely choose Train as one of those films to add to the list because the suspense never looked so good than when your watching a bunch of kids trapped on a train, getting sliced up. Out of TOV 5 stars, I give Train 2.5 stars.

Valkor out!

Email: valkor@the-other-view.com

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TOV Total View
Train DVD Review
The Good: Gore, suspense
The Bad: too much to mention here
The Ugly: Amy gettin taken away by soldiers
TOV 5 star rating: 2.5 stars
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