• Valkor on Chemistry or Communication

Hey all, Valkor. TOV is back in full force with so much in store for those who are regulars here, just keep coming back for more and we’ll be sure to comply. But I wanna touch base though on a topic that was brought up over one of my journeys and I feel it is necessary that we do discuss it. Basically I was asked what was more important in a relationship: Communication or Chemistry. Well for me that’s an easy question to answer because right off the back I would choose Communication.

First off what is the meaning of communication when it involves a relationship? Checking the Val-dictionary we see that it is an openness to vocalize ones happiness, sadness, things that are happening in their lives, or things that may be too personal to share with others. Also being able to listen, to question, to comment, to give advice and support, are key ingredients to what makes communication in a relationship. I want to be with someone whom I feel comfortable with sharing my life’s details, my day to day goings on, someone who is going to listen as well as tell her side. I know a lot of people have been hurt many times when they let that “wall” down to communication. You know they tell someone all their details but in the end they still get hurt, but the thing is you can’t always put up a wall because it may turn off the next person and what if that was “The One”? Oops.

Why not Chemistry? Well to me chemistry is basically love at first sight. If you meet someone and there is a spark, to me that’s chemistry. But that can be good and it can also be bad, because I love that feeling you get when you see someone for the first time and it’s like “Wow! I’m set!” Communication gives us the ability to learn more about someone so that we can base whether or not a relationship is feasible simply by listing all the positives and negatives about the person and then making a decision based on what you’ve learned. With Chemistry, you are merely going on a hunch, a feeling if you will in that sense you are basically getting a pretty package without knowing what’s inside.

I also believe that you can build chemistry, through communication. As you start to learn about someone, and you see that you have something in common, then chemistry starts to build, and love can progress because you’re now on a mutual ground. Hey what if you meet a guy on chemistry but then during conversation you find out he’s a just released ex-con, pedophile serial rapist? Chemistry drops through the floor. Fellas you meet a woman, she’s smoking, body bangin, everything is just right until you find out… she’s Lorena Bobbit!! I know it’s not that extreme but I am just being theoretical here.

The thing is people we need communication now more than ever, especially in the age of online dating. I find that it is the best way to weed out the good from the bad. Have you ever had an online chat with someone where you were doing all the talking and all you get are one word responses? It’s happened to me during more than one occasion and I usually move on after say 5 minutes of chatting like that. The thing is why bother if you have nothing else to say? I am not saying give me your whole life, just the basics. If you can communicate well online, chances are things will work out better offline. Or how about this scenario: Someone sends you their pic, and your all googly over this fine babe of a woman, only to find out, that you’ve been chatting with someone who wants you to visit a porn site? Trust me they’re out there. Sharing a picture is one thing, but sharing yourself opens up plenty of possibilities. Just be aware of just who you are sharing yourself with.

So in the end, to me communication wins out over chemistry. It’s not to say that anyone is wrong for believing that chemistry works, because hey in many cases it has. I feel that I would be that much closer to my mate if I knew more about her and I know I will be as open with her. Chemistry has its moment, but communication opens up a whole new world.