Hey gang, Valkor here. I can handle most forms of comedy, with my favorite being ones of a sexual nature (because reasons). And while some bring along the funny to match with the sex, others fail (I’m looking at you Last Day of School). With this next film to come across my desk, How to Get a Girlfriend, you get plenty of sexual humor, but you get a little something extra that’ll make you cringe – a lot! Read on!
“How to Get Girls” centers on two best friends Zach (Zach Fox) and Ben (Martin Cervantez), who grew up drawing comics and spanking it to weird anime chicks. Unfortunately, the dynamic duo is forced to split up since Ben has to move to Antarctica. And while some things have changed, others remain the same. I say that as Zach is still pretty much Zach, except now he’s older, and more of a horndog looking to bury his bone. And then there’s Ben, who has changed – a lot! Dude used to be a chubby nerd, but now he's a chiseled Adonis that’s every woman’s fantasy. Except he’s still into geeky shit. Plus, he's stuck to his childhood dream of not only getting his comic (that he and Ben worked on) seen at Comic-Con but also wanting to meet Stan Lee. However, Zach has other plans, which is to use Ben’s good looks as an in for all the sex he can handle. Regrettably, things don’t go as planned, as any sexual encounter the boys come across is met with some wild shenanigans that sends them packing with blue balls in tow. For example, the first party the guys get into, Zach attempts to hook up with a blind chick, telling her that he’s black with a 13” penis. And that’s not gonna fly since her boyfriend is the high school jock, which also leads to one awkward fight scene between the two. But the big question is: does either boy reach their goal? Yes and no. Yes, they do get to comic-con and they kind of, sort of meet Stan Lee (or Stanley as his card states), but they never get laid. However, Zach does get to touch the boobs of the girl of his dreams, Kimberly (Meghan Roberts). So I guess that’s something of a win… Maybe... This was a really weird film. Definitely one of the weirdest I’ve ever sat through.
“How to Get Girls” also has some “choice” cameos such as Chris Kattan (Undercover Brother), Chris Elliott, David Koechner (No Clue), and Kate Flannery. This is such an odd film to find such faces. And yet… I’m not really that surprised.
On the one hand, I kind of enjoyed “How to Get Girls”. It’s straight up adult comedy, that can get a little too raunchy at times, but it’s this type of humor that feeds my perverted heart. To me, it would seem the filmmakers got their inspiration from Encino Man, minus the injection of a Pauly Shore type character (I’m OK with this). However, that film had a better narrative, while this one is more about over the top jokes. And they are wicked over the top! Some are to the point of ridiculousness, and you’ll either laugh or cringe. The acting is “OK”, and I think everyone performs well given the ridiculousness of this film. But if I had to choose a standout, it would be Andy Riddle, who plays Duffy; this film needed more Duffy! I cracked up as his character stumbles upon a lesbian session and attempts to shoehorn his way into a three-way. After that scene, he’s pretty much all but forgotten, when he should have been a part of the shenanigans. In the end, How to Get Girls is a watchable mess, with plenty of humor that you’ll either like it or lump it. For the most part, I lumped it.
Right off the bat, the film opens with two boys masturbating together to two anime chicks. This sets the stage for plenty of awkward, cringe-worthy moments that you’ll come across during the rest film. And there are plenty! I mean way too many that its borderline disturbing. For instance, there's the running gag of Zach wanting to have sex with his sister; not really him wanting to do it, but the jokes are set up where it would appear he does when he doesn’t. Thankfully, they don’t run with that one for very long. Then there’s David Koechner’s principal character, who likes to crash in on Zach taking a shit and stays while he wipes. Next, he hangs out at a high school party and tries to drop game on one of his students, only to end up telling her really disturbing stuff about his life. Yep, that happened. Essentially, this is a film filled with plenty of really bad decisions. I haven’t been this disturbed since “Balls Out”. Thankfully, this film had more jokes that I laughed at than that abysmal mess.
There’s a scene where Zach and Ben are about to hook up with these two girls; Ben, however, needs to take a serious shit on an epic scale. His girl follows him in the bathroom, during a moment where he has no TP and didn’t flush. And while he’s still on the bowl, she wants to give him a blowjob. On top of that, she drops that she didn’t shower in two weeks. I don’t even…
How to Get Girls is available now on digital platforms such as Google Play and Amazon Instant. And while this isn’t one of the worst films I’ve sat through, it’s definitely one of the oddest, most awkward films that have crossed my path. If you’re up for a raunchy, over the top film with a heavy dose of cringe, then this is the one for you. However, out of TOV 5 stars, I’m giving How to Get Girls a 2.