Hey gang, Valkor here. And this next review, I gotta give thanks
to Epic-1 who pretty much put a stop on another film I had on
deck, so that I might check out “Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves”.
Are you kidding me? Why would I even begin to pass on something
like this? The name alone piques my interest but learning that
it was directed by none other than St. (Saint) James St. (Street)
James, who gave me the giggle fits with “Poolboy:
Drowning out the Fury”? Oh yea, I'm all in! Some spoilers.
OK you see that movie poster up above? You see how awesome, bloody and badass it looks? Well forget all that because Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves is comedy/horror at its most silly. The film kicks off with an elder Helen Keller, regaling her past to her grandchildren. We then switch to said past where Helen (Jessie Wiseman) and her family are out doing chores and such, when they’re suddenly attacked by wolves - nightwolves. Her parents are killed, her sister, Anne Sullivan (Alanna Ubach) is struck blind and Helen is not only struck blind but she also loses her hearing. There’s also her brother William (Jesse Merlin), but he survives the attack unscathed. Fortunately for Helen, Anne has gone through a period of being both deaf and blind, so she teaches Helen how to communicate by reading lips. Helen also has the ability of being able to sense what’s around her by disturbances in the air as well as feeling vibrations for an additional listening tool. With the possibilities of the Nightwolves return, Helen is prepped for battle by a loner named Jonathan (Barry Bostwick), who also becomes her lover. And when the Nightwolves do return, Helen must use all that she has been taught to put a stop to their killing once and for all. Holy shit I made that sound way more hardcore than it actually is!
Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves kicks off much like “Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury”, with St. James St. James as the opener, and of course he’ll pop up now again throughout the film with his comical musings as well as his take on events surrounding the films production. Ultimately, I was hoping for a film with some “bite” to it, but what I got instead though…
Also should I even ask about that book: At Night She Cries While He Rides His Steed – a male romance novel. I kinda want to read it…
The Good:
If you’re looking for a a film that’s completely over the top funny, then look no further than “Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves”; sure the title sounds all kinds of bad ass, but the plot is so ridiculous and yet a whole lot of fun! Much of the film takes place in 1906. And yet there’s a diner present where people are wearing modern clothing and they speak modern English… And somehow none of it feels out of place, meshing together with the crew popping up, and all sorts of mishaps that just complete the comedic picture. The jokes are mainly visual, most of the slapstick variety, though you get a hefty amount of verbal jokes tossed in. For me, one of the best bits is when Helen (after just losing her sight and hearing), fumbles around a tall jenga setup. I think I might have laughed at that scene, or at least the ending of it, a little too hard. The acting is silly around, but given what we’re dealing with, I wouldn’t or shouldn't expect anything less. In the end, if you’re looking for a few good chuckles, then definitely check out “Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves”.
The Bad:
The scene where Helen and her family enter the diner and she starts feeling out for some pie; that bit went on a little too long for me, but the edgy jokes they told about Helen tho… yea I’m going to hell for laughing at some of them.
The Ugly:
What happens to Helen’s father; and to complete the picture they had separate graves for his body and his body bits. Too much!
You can find Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves over at Amazon Instant, or you can pick up the DVD on Dec 14th, which is just in time for some “holiday cheer”. Seriously, the poster looks seriously twisted, but the actual film is anything but. And yet, you’ll enjoy the hell out Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves, which gets a 4 out of TOV 5 stars.
