Ninja's Creed DVD Review

Hey folks, Valkor here. This next review is not number 30 in my 30 in 30, rather it's something I was excited for just from the cover. And I think I misjudged because I was taken for a serious loop and it all ended with a huge "WTF!!!?" Royal Kill aka Ninja's Creed had so much potential, you'd think "how could they fuck this up?" well it's fucked up and it's huge!! Read on! Oh and prepare for spoilers, because I'm gonna rip into this one. Also from here on, I'll call the film "Ninja's Creed", which I think is the cooler title.

The story of Ninja's Creed starts out pretty simple – The royal family of Samarza are wiped out by an assassin, Nadia (Gail Kim). With the royal family gone, the Skanji (sp) are now in place to take over. But the king, in his final words to one of his knights, Adam (Alex Wraith) states that there is another in the Samarza bloodline and he must find her, protect her, and bring her back so that she can take her place as heir to the throne. Both Adam and Nadia converge onto Washing D.C. where Jan (Lalaine) has been kept safe by her American dad (Eric Roberts). Their first confrontation ends with the dad dead and Jan and Adam on the run. At some point Adam decides to stop running and faces his challenger, defeating Nadia in mortal combat.

But it ain't over! That's just one hour into the film. That battle between Nadia and Adam, which I thought was the last battle? Oh no that's when the fucked up shit happens and not only was I blown away… I was seriously pissed off that this type of film can take such a turn for the worse. Here it comes, that huge spoiler, which appears after the image. If you don't wanna know about it, here is where you need to stop!

As it turns out, it's been Adam all along! That's right he's actually Nadia! Let's go back a bit. The film states that Nadia was beaten and ravage and that by killing the royals, it was her way to extract revenge. So deep down inside of this warrior Adam, beats the heart of an abused female assassin? W-T-F? And it only gets worse after that revelations because not only is Adam a luscious female assassin deep down inside, but he goes on and kills the Princess. Or so we think? And it just gets even more fucked up after that because it also turns out that it wasn't a guy who was the protector, but a woman? And Jan or the princess is still alive? *scratchin my head* And with that out of the way, let's get on with it.

The Good:

Gail Kim is just so sexy bad ass in this film! I honestly had my doubts about her and her portrayal in the film, because she's a WWE Diva and not a lot of cool movies come from WWE, except The Marine 2 (actually the first one was pretty cool too). I mean she does a lot of bending, stretching, twisting, turning, plus the nice nippleage poking through that sheer blouse. Mmmmm….. Regardless, I'd watch this film over and over, just to watch Gail Kim being all delicious looking and so bad ass. Too bad she's really a man.. IN THE MOVIE YA MUGS!!

The Bad:

REALLY? REALLY? The filmmakers went all Fight Club with this movie? As far as B-movies go, Ninja's Creed had the potential to be a fun, cheesy sorta film that's actually worth the watch, and then they toss in that really awkward and dumb twist that makes you wonder a) Why? And b) who was fired for making such a decision? I simply hated the fact that I'm lusting over Gail Kim for the first hour of the film only to find out that She is actually a He. *cue crying game music*. But the last 30 minutes is a total letdown and it's gonna piss people off when they sit through this movie and are gonna get taken for a loop. And it's not even a good twist, it's a stupid twist! I was invested in Nadia, I felt her plight, I wanted more Nadia, I wanted a sequel with just Nadia and now I can't have that because Nadia is really Adam and it pisses me off! I'm sorry but such decision making is uncalled for. Oh and I'm against the voice-work in the film. It's obvious and extremely bad, disturbingly bad. Right from the beginning you can tell voice-work was added "just because", but for the most part it wasn't needed. Finally, repetition of clips – so we're outside Jan's house and Adam is hanging out, he runs in and runs out and that scene is repeated later when he goes back to the house. And this happens more than once. I thought such an effect was used in porn films to extend the uhhhh "scene"? Finally, there are no Ninjas! I wouldn't even call Nadia a ninja. Sexy assassin? Absolutely, but not so much a ninja. And this film could have really used some.

The Ugly:

So after the "revelation", there's a scene where Adam is taking a shower. And I find it odd that I really wanted him to transform into Nadia. Is that weird?

Ninja's Creed isn't worth cost of the DVD it was printed on. It will piss you off if you didn't know what was going to happen when you went in. It's a good trip after an hour and honestly, that's where you need to stop. But what makes the movie fun to watch for that hour is Gail Kim, who is definitely PerfectView material. So out of TOV 5 stars, I give Ninja's Creed a 2. And Gail Kim is a definite 10!