Yo, yo, yo TOVers, it's ya boy Val to the K to the O to the R, make some noise up in this piece! We're about to blow the roof of this MediaView joint with the hip hoppest, freshest, most bad ass film to evar hit the small screenz; know wut I'm sayin yo? Check it, this new booty is called "The FP", what, what!? And it's directed by the Trost Bros, Jason and Brandon, represent! And if you're a fan of DDR (Dance Dance Revolution)… you "might" get a kick out of this film… maybe… I dunno, read on.
Actually I was just joshin with all that freshest, hip hoppest bit - the film pretty much sucks.
As I mentioned above, if you're a fan of Dance Dance Revolution, you'll be in familiar territory, because that's what The FP is all about. Well not really. Oh and they don't call it DDR. The game is called Beat Beat Revelation. Anywho, "The FP" takes place in a dystopian future and centers on two rival gangs looking to gain supremacy over The FP (Frazier Park). On one side you have the boys from the 245 lead by L Dubba E (Lee Valmassy) and on the other side you have the gang from the 248 lead by JTRO (Jason Trost). During a "beat off" competition, JTRO's bro and all around best at the beat beat, BTRO (Brandon Barrera) does a 187 (he dies) whilst battling L Dubba E in "Omega Gangsta Mode". And that's when JTRO decides he'll never dance again.
So it's been a year since BTRO's death and we find our boy JTRO living his new life as a lumberjack. But his old life will never escape him as he's approached by his homeboy KCDC (Art Hsu) who informs him that since he left, things in The FP have changed; L Dubba E has control over all the liquor and no one gets drunk anymore – they get high. JTRO isn't buyin in at first but after much pleading from KCDC, he decides to make a comeback. But before he can do that he'll have to train and the only person who can bring him back into his prime is the mysterious guru BLT (Nick Principe). But can he rise up and become strong enough to face his arch nemesis? The FP mixes a post apocalyptic future reminiscent of Mad Max with 80's films such as Rocky and Karate Kid (it even features a montage of JTRO in training), bringing it together with tons of street slang and 80's dance beats. In the end, how does the film make the grade?
The Good:
N/A
The Bad:
I was actually looking forward to The FP based on the fact that it's a film about DDR. Well not about DDR, but a future where gangs battle it out playing DDR (or Beat Beat Revelations – BBR). Ultimately I wasn't impressed. Sure I chuckled at a few jokes, but on the whole the film was boring, the majority of the jokes were mad dry, and the use of slang was a bit much and over the top that it became annoying real quick. And don't get me started when the gang members play BBR – it's embarrassing, sluggish, and stiff. The dudes pop all that smack about how well they can dance and when they hit the pad they dance like a bunch of crusty old men. Couldn't they have found guys like this to double for their moves?
Or This?
Watching dances like THAT would have made this film way more fun. But I also think it would have taken the film in an entirely different direction… maybe. I don't know. I'll tell you this much, if you want 80's related schlock, stick with "The Taint" – now that film is insanely good with cheesier but better dialogue. Finally, what's worse about The FP is that it tries to be serious and funny all at the same time, but you can never really tell when it's being funny or serious. It's like "OK I wanna laugh at that joke… but am I supposed to? Was that even a joke?" and if you have to ask questions like that – not good!
The Ugly:
That ending was weaksauce. WEAKSAUCE!!
The What What?:
How you gonna have a buncha crackas droppin N-Bombs and not have a brotha in the film to justify it all? I'm just messin, I wasn't even offended; actually watchin a bunch of white guys callin each other "mah nig"… that shit was hilarious. If only the film as a whole was as funny.
To all who worked on The FP – I get what you were trying to accomplish and I totally respect it, but in the end I simply didn't enjoy my time with the film - it's unfunny, unentertaining, and totally not worth recommending. However I'm sure there's an audience for the film, but in the end I'm giving The FP 1 star out of TOV 5.