Hey folks, Valkor here. When it comes to films, you either want something that will test your mettle, get inside your head, and make you think. And sometimes you just want something that's casual, something that you don't have to think too much about; just enough to make the experience enjoyable. And sometimes you want a film like Funimation's latest pick up – Alien Vs. Ninja (AVN for short), which is nothing but brain junk food; you know you shouldn't eat it, but it's just too good to pass up. And that's exactly what this film is all about.
AVN is just as it states; a group of ninjas – Yamata, Jinnai, Rin, and Nezumi are being hunted by an unknown alien creature that has crashed landed close to their ninja base. The creature, which looks like some sort of twisted dolphin, starts out as one but it implants tiny versions of itself into live human hosts as a way of reproduction. The larva grows within the person and I assume it does a "chestburst" to get out (though we never see it). Now Yamata and crew must battle it out with the alien creature that's hunting them… or die trying!
That's it! That's the story! Aliens and Ninjas beat the shit out of one another! Has anyone seen the original Predator (not PredatorS – that crappy Adrien Brody flick), I'm talkin the no-holds barred Schwarzenegger flick of the 80's. Yea, it's kinda like that, with more survivors and a touch of wackiness thrown in. And with that, we jump into the TOV Breakdown!
If you liked the brainlessness of Stallone's The Expendables, then Alien vs. Ninja is so up your alley. The plot is just crazy; there's barely a backstory on the ninja characters, and absolutely no story on the aliens. All you do is sit back, relax, and enjoy. The fight scenes are so much fun to watch; I mean it's nothing to get super excited about, but its ninjas dukin it out with alien creatures. And since you're getting exactly that, then that's all you really need! My favorite fight scene is the Alien vs. Rin. And to be honest, I've never seen anything so sexy than an alien dry humpin a hot ninja chick. Nuff said. The special effects are mostly practical utilizing puppetry in the aliens (and their larva) and wire effects, with very little CGI tossed in. And for a film this cheesy, I'm not gonna complain. In the end, it's a straight-forward actioner nothing more.
In the trailer, it appeared as though we'd get some crazy hentai-ish action where the alien looked to use a tentacle penis on Rin. Imagine my surprise when it didn't happen. I mean the sexual overtones in her fight scene with the alien implied that that might happen. So I was a touch disappointed when it didn't, because it would have been wild! I also found Nezumi to be a pointless character and he should have died much earlier in the film. Question: How the hell does a character that's as lame as Nezumi, make it as a ninja? HOW I ASK YOU!!? Comedy relief? The film really didn't need it and it should have been a cheesy action flick minus that.
The alien has a penis tentacle that comes out of a vagina in its neck and wraps around a dude's face. WTF!!?
Overall, if you're looking for a fun, mindless, action joint, then look no further than Alien vs. Ninja (AVN for short). I thought it was crazy fun flick with just enough action and wacky shit goin on to keep you watching. And out of TOV 5 stars, I'm giving AVN a 3 and it's been Valkor tested, TOV Approved.