Hey gang, Valkor here. Growing up, Thanksgiving was always one of my favorite holidays – Wednesday was the last day of school, which led into a nice four day weekend filled with holiday traditions such as the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, March of the Wooden Soldiers on the tube, turkey, turkey leftovers, and everything about a Thanksgiving Day dinner that my stomach can handle. Most of that still holds true, especially the turkey, but after watching this next piece – ThanksKilling, me thinks I've discovered a new addition to the Val-traditions.
ThanksKilling is the brainchild of Jordan Downey and Kevin Stewart who've put together one tremendously, intentionally ridiculous films to ever grace the small screen. And they did it on the cheap – over 3,000 bucks to be exact. The film centers on a group of just let out of college for Thanksgiving break teens, each sporting a b-movie stereotype. We have Johnny the jock (Lance Predmore), Ali the slut (Natasha Cordova), Darren the nerd (Ryan E. Francis), Billy the redneck (Aaron Carlson), and Kristen, the sweet innocent gal (Lindsey Anderson).But instead of enjoying their off time from hitting the books, they'll cross paths with a killer turkey aptly named "Turkie" (voiced by Jordan Downey), who's looking for some sweet revenge against whitey for what they did to his Indian ancestors many moons ago.
I'm not even kidding… a killer turkey; and what a mouth on this one. Not only will he hack and slash his way through this film, but he'll also get in some sweet, sweet lovings, ending it with one of the greatest one-liners ever (I won't spoil it)
In the end, Kristen is the last one standing, going face to beak against the menacing Turkie, finishing the film off with hints of a sequel. And a sequel shall be had my friends. The producers turned to Kickstarter to raise funds to make the "beakquel" and Achievement Unlock: They've gots monies, having raised more than enough to make the film!
I didn't think I'd survive viewing ThanksKilling – I mean a film about a killer turkey can't be good right? Well I was not only surprised by how well an intentionally bad, cheaply produced turkey slasher flick could be, but I'm actually so gaga for this film that I'm adding it to my cheesy film favorite collection. But I'm getting ahead of myself when I should be singing all this praise in the TOV Breakdown.
ThanksKilling is stupid on a stick, but it's actually meant to be that way; from the low budget effects, the extremely bad acting, and that stupid rubber turkey that's in your face every time he spouts a one-liner, it all screams bad movie. But that's what makes up the film's charm – everything is done on purpose. The story isn't anything to write home about; it's very typical and straightforward, but it does well balancing the horror and the laughs. And oh boy will you laugh. It's not funny in that it tells the best jokes, etc, but the level of stupidity is just insane that you can't help but laugh. One scene in particular that had me on the floor is when Turkie is on the side of the road and this dude stops to pick him up, and as the guy opens his car door he says "ass, gas, or grass". Shit! I didn't expect him to say that! And kudos for starting the film off just right – with a sweet pair of titties (Wanda Lust – google is your friend)! The acting is a mess, but considering everyone is supposed to be that bad… well I can't really hate on them. Finally the film is short with a run time of 70 minutes (or just under). And I'm very grateful for it because there are times when cheesy flicks such as this… sometimes they overstay their welcome. In the end ThanksKilling is low budget at its best.
Some scenes and/or lines were maybe too bad for their own good. For instance, Darren shouting out that he's gonna have sex with someone in the car or Billy eating Turkie whilst having a dream about eating a bucket of fried chicken. And I mean he ATE Turkie - feathers and all. Come on!
Kristen eating radioactive Turkie leg; I mean she just starts biting into it… its fucking radioactive!!!
Extra small Rabie Flavored Condoms. My Face When rabies has a flavor:
ThanksKilling DVD is available now and you can also find it in digital format as well (i.e. Netflix). I have to say, this film needs to be the centerpiece of everyone's cheesy movie collection – it's funny, horrific, and it's bad for the sake of being bad. It's the kinda bad one can really appreciate. And out of TOV 5 stars, I'm giving ThanksKilling a 4. Gobble, gobble motherfuckers!