Hey gang, Valkor here. What do you get when a priest, a detective, and a wheel-chaired photographer walk into the same movie? You get one of the worst jokes ever but at the same time you a pretty confusing film called The Pining. Will there be spoilers? Yes. And plenty of them at that, but I can assure you that you'll thank me for it!
The Pining kicks things of with Detective Harris (Jackie Dallas), who is investigating a mysterious murder involving two brothers, one whom supposedly died three years prior, but has turned into a zombie, eating the other brother's face. This event leads back to previous murders that were linked to a group therapy session involving people with depression, lead by Father William (Tom Sizemore – Bordering on Bad Behavior). Harris tries questioning him, but he isn't talking. Or rather he refuses to talk about that particular day. So, where does the wheelchair guy fit in? Well, his name is Joe (Diogo Hausen) and he was a part of that strange therapy session, but also going through a supernatural event of his own (I'll tell you why in just a bit). He meets a woman named Grace (Natalie Gibson), and they seem to be making a love connection. However, Joe doesn't have feelings for her and misses his ex Kara (Connie Jo Sechrist). The Kara comes back into his life, with Grace finding out, who then goes into a crying fit and later she mysteriously dies in her own home, yet her body is found in Joe's studio. Further, into the film, Joe's Kara makes a return, but she turns into one of those zombie things and tries to kill Joe. Thankfully, he's rescued by Detective Harris.
So, what's the connection between Joe, Harris, and Father William? Well, it just so happens that during one of Father William's therapy sessions, the group got an unexpected visitor in the form of The Devil. The film doesn't outright say he's the devil, but you can pretty much assume that he is. He offers the group whatever they desire, but it doesn't go any further than that. Yet, we can assume from the film that several folks in the group took him up on his offer (the brothers, there was a singer who died by electrocution, and possibly Joe). And while on the one hand, the devil's gift was positive to those who asked for something, it does have a negative effect in turning whoever is connected to the person asking for the wish, into a zombie.
Now, if you're confused reading this and wondering “what the hell”, then you sort of feel my pain of after watching this 73-minute mess of a film. What's even stranger is that the link that was sent over was titled ”Rough Draft Copy 08”. And I'm wondering if someone dropped the ball and sent out the wrong link to this film. If so, then it's about to get wrecked in the TOV Breakdown!
The Pining is a completely incoherent, mess of a film! I'm guessing this is because a rough cut of the film was sent out to review as I'm not exactly sure what's the point of the film. And half the time I wasn't sure what was going on and why certain events were happening. I can't really put two and two together with this one as everything and I mean everything feels so out of place! The most confusing part is the devil character, who takes on multiple forms, but I'm wondering why he doesn't have a bigger presence in the film. And he really deserved more screen time as I'm sure it would help clarify things. Next, why does Joe get more screen time with his love life rather than Detective Harris, who is investigating the murders? Why weren't there more zombie creatures? Why does this film even exist the way it is? It's just so confusing! And how it ends doesn't make any of it any better!
Poor Father William.
Believe it or not, The Pining is available on now on Amazon Instant. And if you want to watch a true disaster of a film, then yes you'll want to check this one out. But if you should happen to come across it, I recommend giving it a hard pass. I will say this, I might just might give this one another go if the cut that was sent out was just a rough draft and there's a better copy out there. But until that time, out of TOV 5 stars, I'm giving The Pining 0 stars.