Hey, Ace on deck here, giving you a review of the comedy movie Ted, which stars Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis and Seth McFarlane (who also directs the film). And before you read any further, be warned there are MASSIVE spoilers (especially the ending) in this review. So if you’re interested in going into this film fresh, look away and explore the rest of TOV.
The movie starts in 1985 in Brockton, Massachusetts. John Bennett is a child with absolutely no friends. That Christmas in 1985, he gets a teddy from his parents which he loves. One night, he wishes on a shooting star that Ted would come to life and the next morning John is surprised to find that Ted is alive. His parents were horrified at first, but like Ted's mother played by Alex Borstein said “It like the baby Jesus!” Soon the world finds out about the boy's wish to have a stuffed teddy bear came to life. Ted makes an appearance on Johnny Carson; he even has an evangelist proclaim, “Look what Jesus did! Look what Jesus did! Look what Jesus did!” We are then taken to the present day where Ted and John (who is now 35 years old) are still stuck in their child-like ways. These antics would include telling jokes about dating girls from Boston and smoking that good stuff right before work.
John is also in a four year relationship with Lori (Mila Kunis), who wants John to grow to be a man, but she feels that Ted is John's excuse for still acting like a child; and she quickly becomes inpatient of John's lack of maturity and Ted's vulgar acts. After John and Lori celebrate their four year anniversary, Lori comes home to the apartment to find that Ted has four prostitutes - possibly smelling like used vulva - on their couch. The thing that pisses off Lori the most is that one of the prostitutes shits on the floor after playing a game of truth and dare (that's right people she shits on the floor). So Lori gives John an ultimatum - Ted will have to move out and search for a job or she will leave him. Of course Ted moves out. And then the real fun begins as we watch Ted experiencing life out on his own and John doing his best to stay on Lori’s good side.
This film isn’t for everyone; some adults may find this movie hilarious and some will leave disgusted at the language and lack of sensitivity to stereotypes. For me, this issue was not a problem. I love Family Guy's comedy so I love this movie. It is flat out stupid to the point where it makes absolutely to sense, but your eyes are glued to the screen anyway. If you’ve never watched Family Guy or not a fan of the series, then the jokes will be a hit or miss depending on your sense of humor.
As far as the story goes, it was way better than I expected; it could have been like a really long, dumb, pointless episode of Family Guy, but it was actually well put together, well thought out story. Mark Walhberg was great in his role as John Bennett. His true Boston accent had me in tears especially since I never really noticed it before. Mila Kunis plays the typical girlfriend that falls for a douche bag but she looks so good doing it. Seth McFarlane is well Seth McFarlane. He does the voice of Ted and pretty much sounds the same as Peter Griffin whom he also does the voice in Family Guy. One thing that I loved about this movie was the situational instances in Family Guy being put into real life situations. Mark Walhberg being tossed around by Mila Kunis on the dance floor, pulling off his best Saturday Night Fever reenactment made me choke on my soda.
SPOILER ALERT! The ending will have females going teary eyed, which made no sense to me because the film is about a friggin bear. If a teddy bear gets ripped in half, it’s just a teddy bear not a human being. I actually laughed at the woman next to me; it was priceless seeing her reaction. Overall, Ted, in my opinion, is a personal classic - a great comedy and I could watch over again and again. My score is 4 stars out of 5.