Hey gang, Valkor here. And I’m back with more MediaView goodness… though this next film isn’t actually any good. You might think it’s good because it has Kevin Smith, who’s claim to fame is Clerks, Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back, Cop Out, and other theatrical treats, attached to it. However Bindlestiffs, written and directed by Andrew Edison… and I thought Axed was bad.
Bindlestiffs is a sex comedy that centers on Andrew (Andrew Edison), Luke (Luke Loftin), and John (John Karna); three teens suspended from school for a week for graffiting a bathroom wall. Rather than sit at home and mope about it, the guys decide to spend the week trying to get laid and live the life inspired by the book “A Catcher in the Rye”. And it’s not exactly the sexiest tail-chasing flick to ever grace the small screen as these dudes will have sex with anyone (ANYONE) up to and including a banged up prostitute, a homeless woman, and one of the guys actually sucks dick for crack… not even joking.
On a side note, school security guard Charlie (Will Fordyce) is on the lookout for the three boys as he interprets their graffiti as something more sinister. In the end it’s a week of misadventures, sexual exploration (fucksploration), and self discovery.
I actually made the film sound a lot nicer than it really is. And I’ll be honest; it does have a few moments when it shines. But I’m not convinced with the overall production. Oh and of all the women the guys could have had sex with, the one really hot chick Mindy (Dorcas Leung) doesn’t even get a scene where one of the guys even try to get in her pants. Finally when I finished watching Bindlestiffs, I had to watch Mardi Gras Spring Break and Group Sex just to wash the taste of this film out of my brain.
The idea, the plot of Bindlestiffs, probably sounded good on paper and it seems like a fun idea – three kids, spend a week trying to get laid, get involved in all sorts of weird shenanigans; it kinda has a Superbad/Hangover feel to it as the situation these guys get into are just so out there. What the hell John Karna is very reminiscent of Michael Cera's Superbad character and just as innocent looking. Actually he’s the best actor in the bunch; I fucking loved his character and the situations he gets into with the homeless woman was kinda funny and quite possibly the most disgusting thing that’s ever graced my screen… and I’ve watched Serbian Film. The film has some jokes, and I admit I chuckled a few times; they’re mostly visual, with standout scene being Luke teaching John about sex - that was unexpectedly funny. And did I mention Dorcas Leung is the hottest hottie in the film? Yea… she is.
The majority of the film is a little too over the top and way too stupid for my taste. I can normally handle stupid, but the level of stupidity in this film… it’s just too much even for me.
John having sex with the homeless woman and Andrew sucking dick for crack… not even joking.
Luke thinks the homeless woman was raping John, so he cracks her over the head with a flashlight. The guys think she’s dead and they bring her back to their motel room. Turns out she’s alive and disgustingly ill, throwing up everywhere. And I swear to god, you can smell the stink right through the screen, it’s that gross.
These past few days with the films I’ve watched has got to be the most insane batch of films I’ve ever sat through running the gamut of the good, the bad, and the ugly. And how to I place Bindlestiffs? How about "the fugly", because it’s really that bad! Kevin Smith, broski, I don’t know what you see in this film that you’d wanna attach you’re name to it, but for whatever reason you did it, I salute you. But in the end, Bindlestiffs gets a 1 out of TOV 5 stars. Enter at your own risk.