Hey folks, Valkor here. For this next review I’ll be reaching
out to the
What’s the best way to explain Chocolate? Well you all know
the story of Rain Man right? Rain Man was an autistic who had an uncanny
ability with numbers; he knew just how man toothpicks fell to the ground, plus he counted cards. Well what if you applied that same concept to a young
girl, but instead of numbers, she knows martial arts from watching muay thai and kung fu movies, plus watching
fighters train? What if we toss in her mom, Zin, who works for the Thai Mob, now
sick with Cancer? But Zen, with the help of her friend Moon, go off to reclaim
past debt owed from customers who still haven’t paid, so they can use the money
to pay for Zin’s medicine. Oh yea did I mention her dad is Yakuza? So Zen uses
her uncanny ability of kick assness to… well kick ass, forcing her mom's debtors to pay up. But the leader of the Thai
mob, who has a Shim for a right hand man… woman… IT, finds out about his men
and customers getting their asses kicked, plus he finds out that Zin has been
trying to contact the Yakuza guy, even though he forbids it, goes after Zin and Zen, Yakuza dad finds out and makes his way to
Did I mention the kick assness that is strewn about this film? You like Tony Jaa? Jet Li? Jackie Chan? Then you’re gonna love Yanin Vismitananda (Zen), who does most if not all of her own stunts. Her gracefulness is only second to her beauty; coming in third is her ability to kick a lot of ass. I love the way she meshes into her role and never, not ever, coming out not even briefly. It’s scary, it’s beautiful, it’s totally fun to watch and I loved it. Not only that but Yanin can take a licking and keep on ticking and she’s got the bumps and bruises to prove it. Don’t believe me? Sit through the end credits and see for yourself, she gets clocked in the eye, splintered, her lovely, lovely leg slashed. Not only her, but her crew gets seriously banged up as well, but damn it they just keep going. I’m freaking impressed. Hiroshi Abe, who just bleeds cool plays Zen’s Yakuza dad Masashi. His on screen time isn’t much, but when he appears for the big fight scene at the end, then you know its own. (They messed with his wife and kid, you know ass is gonna get kicked). Finally, Ammara Shiripong , who gives us brief boobage, has done a fine job too for playing former mobster turned cancer patient and mother of Zen, Zin. You’re beautiful even when you look sick and though you don’t do much kicking ass, you still…. Kick ass. The plot is funny and a bit far fetched, but it works! I was a bit of a skeptic in the beginning; I mean when I was first told the plot of the film was about an austistic girl learning kung fu? I was about to pass it off as a joke. Well the joke would have been on me, because I'll be damned if this isn't a fun flick. Yes it has some touching moments, and an even sadder ending, but it meshes together to make a great and enjoyable flick.
This isn’t really a bad and I should change it to “The Funny”, but this is the first film I actually felt sorry for the bad guys. They were getting their asses stomped by a girl with autism. Pwned, served, whatever you wanna called it, they got it in spades. And the end battle there is this guy who wears a checkered banadana, the dude keeps coming after Zen and he keeps knocked back on his ass. Whoever thought it was a good idea to make this guy a tank, should be shot. Everytime he got up, he got his ass knocked back down and I’m yelling “Stay Down you ass!!!” There were also these two other hotties that were getting their arms, legs, and faces bent in all sorts of ways, yet they kept coming. Really? Did they have to keep getting up after so much uber-pwnage?
Whose idea was it to toss in a retard to go against a retard?? Who!? I want names! Because that was just so wrong beyond wrong. I get it, the guy was someone who’s skill Zen had never seen before and he served her up a serious ass kicking, which she eventually adapted to. But I half expected the guy to start drooling and screaming for his mommy, it was pathetic.
I know the level of ass kickness isn’t so great in our summer movies here in the states, but thanks to such countries such as Thailand, we can get our fill of kick ass films such as Chocolate, to step in and fill the void. It’s a fun filled, fast paced ride, whose main actress is as beautiful as she is deadly, plus it's chockfull of ass kickery that will make you drool like a... nevermind. Out of 5 stars I’m giving Chocolate a 4 and its been Valkor tested and TOV approved.Valkor Out!
She can pwn me anyday.