Hey folks, Valkor here. For this next review, I'll be reaching out to the land of Thailand, where exist such wonderful films as "The Art of the Devil" series, "Shutter", "Ong Bak" and others are produced. This next film, in particular, was rated high on the "must-see" scale. And me not being one to walk away from a challenge, stepped up. And I have to say that I wasn't disappointed because this is the kind of film that is so cool, you'll pat yourself on the back that you saw it. And you just can't wait to share it with others. That's how I felt after watching Thai film "Chocolate". A film so kickass cool that I have to share it just for its high levels of ass kicky-ness.
What's the best way to explain "Chocolate"? Well, you all know the story of Rain Man right? Rain Man was an autistic who had an uncanny ability with numbers; he knew just how many toothpicks fell to the ground, plus he counted cards in vegas. Well, what if you applied that same concept to a young girl named Zen, but instead of numbers, she knows martial arts from watching Muay Thai, kung fu movies and watching fighters train? What if we toss in her mom, Zin, who works for the Thai Mob, now sick with Cancer? But Zen, with the help of her friend Moon, go off to collect on past debts owed from customers who still haven't paid up. And with that money, they'll use it to pay for Zin's medicine. Oh yea, did I mention that her dad is Yakuza? So Zen uses her uncanny ability of kick assness to... well kick ass! And forcing her mom's debtors to pay up. But the leader of the Thai mob, who has a Shim for a right-hand man... woman... IT finds out about his men and customers getting their asses kicked. He also learns that Zin has been trying to contact the Yakuza guy, even though he forbids it and goes after Zin and Zen. The Yakuza dad finds out and makes his way to Thailand, Zen and Zin get captured by the Thai mob guy and all kick ass hell breaks loose.
Did I mention the kickassness that is strewn about in this film? Do you like the works of Tony Jaa? Jet Li? Jackie Chan? Then you're gonna love Yanin Vismitananda (Zen), who does most if not all of her own stunts. Her gracefulness is only second to her beauty, and coming in third is her ability to kick a lot of ass. I love the way she meshes into her role and never, not ever, comes out of it not even briefly. It's scary, it's beautiful, it's so much fun to watch and I loved it. Not only that but Yanin can take a licking and keep on ticking and she's got the bumps and bruises to prove it. Don't believe me? Sit through until the end credits and see for yourself; she gets clocked in the eye, splintered, her lovely, lovely leg slashed. Not just her, but her crew gets seriously banged up as well, but damn it they just keep going. I'm freaking impressed! Hiroshi Abe, who just bleeds cool plays Zen's Yakuza dad Masashi. His on screen time isn't much, but when he appears for the big fight scene at the end, then you know its own (They messed with his wife and kid, you know ass is gonna get kicked). Finally, Ammara Shiripong , who gives us brief boobage, has done a fine job too for playing former mobster turned cancer patient and mother of Zen, Zin. You're beautiful even when you look sick and though you don't do much kicking ass, you still... Kick ass. The plot is funny and a bit far-fetched, but it works! I have to say I was a bit of a skeptic of the film in the beginning; I mean when I was first told that the plot of the film was about an autistic girl learning kung fu? I was about to pass it off as a joke. Well, the joke would have been on me had I passed on this film because I'll be damned if this isn't a fun flick. Yes, it has some touching moments and an even sadder ending, but it all comes together to make an enjoyable and entertaining experience.
This isn't really a bad and I should change this section to "The Funny", but this is the first film I actually felt sorry for the bad guys; the ones in this film were getting their asses stomped by a girl with autism. Pwned, served, whatever you wanna call it, they got it in spades. And the end battle there is this guy who wears a checkered bandana, the dude keeps coming after Zen and he keeps knocked back on his ass. Whoever thought it was a good idea to make this guy a tank, should be shot. Every time he got up, he got his ass knocked back down and I'm yelling "stay down you ass". There were also these two other hotties that were getting their arms, legs, and faces bent in all sorts of ways, yet they kept coming. Really? Did they have to keep getting up after so much uber-pwnage?
Whose idea was it to toss in a retard to go against a retard? Who? I want names! Because that was just so wrong beyond wrong. I get it, the guy was someone whose skills Zen had never seen before. And he served her up a serious ass kicking, which she eventually adapted to. But I half expected the guy to start drooling and screaming for his mommy, it was pathetic.
I know the level of ass kickness isn't so great in our summer movies here in the states, but thanks to such countries such as Thailand, we can get our fill of kick ass films such as "Chocolate", to step in and fill the void. It's a fun-filled, fast paced ride, whose main actress is as beautiful as she is deadly, plus it's chock full of ass kickery that will make you drool like a... nevermind. Out of 5 stars, I'm giving "Chocolate" a 4.Valkor Out!
She can pwn me anyday.