Hey gang, Valkor here. When it comes to films and ever since I joined TOV, I thought I had seen everything; but then I’ll turn around and run into films such as “Rubber”, “Battle Royale”, or god help me “A Serbian Film” that shows me that I haven't even begun to see all that exist. Even today, after 13 years of reviewing films for TOV, I can still be surprised with what’s being produced and I’ll add the latest film to cross my desk – Killer Piñata, to that list. Who knew someone could produce a film even remotely entertaining about something you beat with a stick and candy comes out?
“Killer Piñata” opens with a father who walks into a Mexican party store and needs to buy something… but forgets the items he’s supposed to get. What he does know is that he has to buy a piñata for his son’s birthday party, but he's not sure which one to get. So he decides to buy three of them. However, the final piñata, a rainbow donkey, has a sign on it that says (and I’m not kidding) “do not cell” (sell). And there’s a reason for this – the piñata may or may not be something of evil since it was involved with a mysterious murder the day before, where the victim wrote in blood "piñata". But I’m guessing this dad would rather face whatever evil that piñata holds rather than his wife, because after a bit of bribing, he walks away with it.
The party goes off without a hitch as the son only wrecks one piñata, with the other two locked away, which include the evil donkey; and it appears none too happy after seeing his buddy getting wrecked to oblivion. The following day, while the rest of the family heads off on a weekend getaway, their daughter Lindsey decides to have a few friends over for… shenanigans. Unfortunately for them, they're trapped in a house with a killer donkey piñata that poops poisonous candy and has a thirst for blood. Who will survive the night and who goes home in a body bag? You’ll have to watch to find out. You’ll also want to watch this one just to see how a piñata can be a killing machine.
Now I’ve sat through my share of goofy films and the one that gets top honors would have to be “ThanksKilling”, which is the right amount of over-the-top, goofy, cheesy goodness. Frankly, it’s a tough one to beat. But a film about a killer piñata called… Killer Piñata... that just might be the one. Might…
“Killer Piñata”, much like “ThanksKilling”, knows that it’s not a good film and expects you to go in knowing this fact, yet walk away entertained. Unfortunately for Piñata, the bad moments – which are pretty bad – outweigh the good moments, which in all honestly are really good. Had this been a short film with a 30-minute run time, it would have shined because what’s good is laugh out loud funny or totally outrageous; one of my favorite scenes is the old woman with a hook for a hand, slashing a piñata, and a young girl “noping” her way off camera with the quickness. Or how about Lindsey and “boyfriend” Scott “MacGyvering” bad ass weapons out of junk? Or when the piñata actually poops candy? IT POOPS CANDY!! At one point it even left a poop candy trail, with a poop candy arrow pointing to its location. These plus a few other scenes are the kind of over-the-top, cheesiness this film needed way more of. Overall, I’m not in love with “Killer Piñata”, but I enjoyed the moments we shared, which were some of the silliest moments I’ve witnessed on-screen.
“Killer Piñata” has its moments but it falls short of being anything truly amazing, mainly because of its pacing, which is mad slow. This is mostly due to the fact that the film overstays its welcome with a 90-minute runtime, whereas a lot of it could have been trimmed to tighten things up a bit. FYI, ThanksKilling hit the sweet spot at 70-minutes. Another contributor to the slow pacing falls on the film spending too much time on the characters rather than giving the piñata more shine. And that was a missed opportunity because they could have made that piñata do all sorts of wacky things; I mean, right after it chews itself free, we could've seen it explore the house, sniff some underwear, take a dump and flush the toilet (imagine that), or something even crazier - have sex with a stuffed animal just because. Instead, we deal with such situations as Lindsey possibly being a lesbian and her and Scott being on a "dick break". We needed more piñata, baby! Other than that, I can’t really hate on anything else, simply because it could be intentional. A prime example would be the back and forth between the dad and the clerk in the beginning, which is just so bad... but is it intentionally bad? I'll give it a pass and say yes. However, tighter editing and a bit more over-the-topness would have made for a better viewing experience.
Piñata blowjob – yea… that happened! And it’s just as fucked up as you can imagine. Jaws will drop!
If you have a taste for a horror/comedy film that’s less than B-quality yet it still has its moments of cool, then I’d say give “Killer Piñata” a go. It’s not perfect, but it isn’t really trying to be. But what we end up with is an experience you won’t soon forget. And out of TOV 5 stars, I’m giving “Killer Piñata” a 2.5.