Hey folks, Valkor here. And I'm back with another cheesy-filled, over the top film from an unexpected source – Hong Kong. Now I've reviewed HK cinema before, and really it's been a long time coming that I've dipped back into those waters, however the sort of cheesiness I'm about to review, is usually delegated to the Japanese. And after I watched "The 33D Invader", I think this sorta of flick would have worked best in Japan. And yet... read on. Oh and major spoilers ahead.
The 33D Invader centers on a girl named "Future" (Macy Wu) who comes from the year 2046. In her time, earth is bombarded with radiation from a race of beings known as Xuckers, who make men and women on the planet infertile. So Future is sent back to the past to find the perfect male specimen in order to begin repopulation in the future. But the Xuckers are aware of her time-travelling and send back two of their own to rape her (because raping her would make Future infertile – I'm not making this up).
Back to the past, Future lands in a home that's resided by four guys – Lawrence (Chen Jyun-Yan), Danson (Andrew Kwok), Felix (Justin Cheung) and Stephen (Tsui-Ho Cheung); the foursome are college students prepping for a big exam, the dorkiest of dorks (minus Lawrence), and always trolling for sex. Living right next door to them are four women, whom the boys have set their sights on, starting with Jeana (Akiho Yoshizawa), Mia (Lee Ko-Chu), Ceci (Chen Chih-Ying), and Jane (Monna Lam), who are also studying for exams and doing their best to keep the trolls at bay. Between the two parties you have stand outs Lawrence and Jeana, who've discovered that they have feelings for one another. This new found love is disrupted when Future comes into play and she finds that Lawrence is the perfect male to implant his seed if you will. This doesn't sit well with Lawrence because Jeana and he have just started and things are getting pretty hot and heavy (he got a nice old fashion from her in the girl's shower). However he decides to help Future in her quest to find the perfect male. And when Jeana finds out there's this women getting close to her man, she'll do whatever it takes to keep him – with the help of her friends.
Let us not forget that the Xuckers – Xuckers 1 and 2 (Kato Takako and Hsueh Ya-Wen respectively), are still in play and are out looking for Future. Fortunately for Future, the Xuckers don't become a problem until more towards the end of the film, when they have their confrontation. But when it happens, it's crazy sex everywhere of the hentai fashion (no tentacles, but one guy does have a cactus penis – I'm not kidding!) Additional highlights include:
- The film gives a few nods to "The Terminator" franchise, given that Future and the Xuckers arrive to the past in a ball of light, stripped of any clothing.
- Though Lawrence is in love with Jeana, in the end he dumps her for Future – who then leaves him to go back to 2046.
- The Xuckers are Hermaphrodites. This piece of info will come into play towards the end of the film.
- The film is loaded with hot babes, but lackin in the 33D department.
- That song when Future and Lawrence are having sex – I can't stop laughing… and I don't think it was meant to be funny!
Everyone has sex in this film, except for the fat guy – even
the scrawniest, ugliest one of the bunch gets an on-screen piece.
My Face when it was all over:
The 33D Invader is an erotic sci-fi comedy that if you take out the Xuckers and keeping Future in play, you'd probably come up with something more Asian soap opera-ish… with lots of sex and nudity. May sound corny... and it is! So let's find out how well the film holds up in the TOV Breakdown.
First up we have the story - CHEESY and GOOFY as fuck! I can easily sit through some ridiculousness and The 33D Invader has goofy all up and through it! It's not so much that the story is silly – a woman is sent from the future to the past to find a man to impregnate her and avoid being raped by aliens, but it's a combination of the overall story plus the jokes, which are mostly visual gags that complete the package. The acting is pretty solid and dare I say better than most films of this genre. It just seemed as though everyone made the most of the situation and had a good time with the film. And I know there are films that I complain are lacking in boob, well The 33D Invader doesn't come up short in that respect – T & A all through this film! And we're talking BEAUTIFUL WOMEN! Everyone one of them, even Xucker 2, who has dem nips that I'd just like to… well… moving on. The special effects are just ok, though CGI and digital effects are used sparingly; most are simple practical effects. I would have liked a bit more CGI but I can't complain. In the end, I had a nice time with "The 33D Invader". Hmmmmm a really nice time….
I think the problem, and it may just be me, is that I can't really relate this sort of film with Hong Kong cinema – this may be the first erotic comedy I've watched from that area, and I can't help but wonder how this film would play out if it were done in Japan. I think the pacing would have been smoother (it's too quick with this film, which is all over the place), the dialogue would flow better, and the ending would have been more romantic. And that's my biggest problem with the film – it's the ending! I mean if all Future wanted was to get pregnant, why all the cat and mouse Lawrence? Why doesn't he simply lay into her, drop his load, and move on. And what sucks is that in the end, he realizes AFTER having sex with Jeana that he's in love with Future, and when those two have sex, she goes back to the 2046 with a simple "bye-bye". It's pointless and dumb! Then again… maybe it's just me.
The one guy who gets his nipples sucked by both Xuckers, who then turns into a plant-like creature man with a cactus for a penis.
One of Jeana's friends', tries to get info about Future from Danson; even going so far as to coax him with a knob-slobbin. She leaves before he can finish and Danson ends up blowing his load on his teacher. Gross yet very funny!
You probably won't be able to find "The 33D Invader" in your local shop, but if you search high and low online or import dealers, then I'm sure you can snag a copy. The question is: is it worth the price of admission. I'm gonna say yes with a but. Yes because it's a fun comedy with beautiful women getting all kinds of naked, but the film has some quirks that some may not go for if you've never been exposed to this sort of thing. I think it's pretty good and I'd give it 3.5 out of 5 stars for the T&A alone.