Hey folks, Valkor here. Do you like Ninjas? Do you like Vampires?
If the answer to both of those questions is yes, then I have a
film that's right up you're alley. And writer/director Justin
Timpane is also betting you'll enjoy his latest action flick "Ninjas
vs. Vampires"; its two great tastes, in this case, that go well
together.
"Ninjas vs. Vampires" starts out with Aaron (Jay Saunders) who's hangin out with his best friend of twelve years, Alex (Devon Marie Burt). Just as he's revealing his true feelings for her, they're suddenly attacked by vampires. But just as quickly as the vampires attack, ninjas appear to rescue them. End of movie, go watch something else.
Oh wait, it's not over? There's more? OK. Through a tip from a guy named Reefer (Justin Timpane), Aaron seeks out the ninjas and ends up in the middle of a war between them and the vampires. Let's get ready to rumble!!
DING! DING! Ladies and gentle, to my left we have THE NINJAS!! The leader of the group is Cole (Cory Okouchi), then you have wise-crackin Kyle (Daniel Ross), the widow/witch Ann (Melissa McConnell), and bad vampire turned good Lily (Carla Okouchi).
DING! DING! And to my right we have a shitload of Vampires!! Leader of the group is Seth (Kurt Skarstedt), with his sexy, sexy, goddess 2nd in command Lorna (Liz Christmas) at his side. Seth also has a slew of vampires at his command as well as Acolytes lead by a metal faced vampire known only as "The Bishop" (P.J. Megaw) along with Maximillian (Will Stendeback) and his Outlanders. And finally his trump card, ace in the hole, and all around gettin shit done guy, his own brother, Manson (Daniel Mascerello).
With such odds against them, how in the hell can the ninjas win??
Anyway, the Vampires, or should I say Seth, wants control of an amulet that's in the possession of Ann, which would make them not only immortal, but SUPER immortal. So during the day they break into the ninja's home, kill Ann and take her amulet, kick the shit out of Lilly and kidnap Alex. Now it's up to Aaron, Cole, and Kyle to enter the lion's den to save Alex… and the world.
"Ninjas vs. Vampires" is actually the sequel to a film called "Ninjas vs. Zombies". I haven't seen that film… yet! But if there's gonna be a third, then I want the full story.
Quick side note: I'm in love… with Liz Christmas. Aaaahhh... Liz Christmas… the name just rolls off the tongue. And there's something else of hers that I'd like to roll my ton… uhhh… moving on! If a live-action Cowboy Beebop ever gets made, she should definitely play the role of Ed because Liz has the voice and mannerisms down pat!
The Good:
I will admit that "Ninjas vs. Vampires", while it isn't perfect, the film is packed with cool and was so damn entertaining. First the story - it's pretty solid stuff, sticks to its guns and never goes off the rails. What I mean is, the story flows well; the plot is pretty simple and easy to follow, which is a plus since this is a sequel flick. It doesn't leave you guessing about who these characters are or where they came from. You get some pretty decent dialogue between the characters; that plus the brisk pacing makes this 80 minute film go by quickly. On top of that, the film has a nice twist ending that I won't reveal, but it leaves things open for another flick. I thought the acting was just so-so, with the standout for me being Daniel Ross – dude is hilarious and his jokes were money! The special effects were pretty decent, not the greatest, but for a film with such a limited budget, it was pretty impressive stuff. I thought the vampires bursting into flames effect works, as well as Ann's amulet effects. The fight scenes were well choreographed; the camera hangs back just right and the editing wasn't too quick. At times some of the blows seemed sluggish, but not enough to make you stop watching. I will say this; much like the Mega Man fan flick, Ninjas vs. Vampires is the type of film that screams for a bigger budget. There's just so much potential here. But in the end, Ninjas vs. Vampires was a hell of a lotta fun!
Oh and did I mention I'm in love with Liz Christmas?
Awwww... babydoll don't make that face...
The Bad:
Let's start things off with the Aaron and Alex characters; they're not really needed as main characters and served no purpose to the overall story. I think Seth summed it best when he called them food, which is essentially their role in the film – they're the food that got away. Seth doesn't even talk about Aaron and Alex, he doesn't care. And quite frankly, neither did I. The funny thing is, when it's revealed that Aaron has some abilities (he can block mind warping affects), it all ends right there. Wait, no it doesn't. Ann hits him with the amulet and he's suddenly a ninja. I'm guessing that's why he learns martial arts as fast as he does, which is weird because he's all skittish in the beginning. I know the point is him "manning up", but he should have been given a bit of cool early on instead of coming across like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo when he's face to face with a bad guy. Zoinks! And it's funny how the Asian kid masters kung-fu ever so quickly. Now I'm not calling racism or anything, buuuut…
Oh and I'm not a big fan of Alex being kidnapped (because she's food, she's not that important), especially when you have more important and more powerful characters that would have been suitable candidates such as Ann, who actually… you know… knows how to use the amulet? Maybe? Finally those Twilight references, about Vampires glittering? If they didn't glitter before Twilight, why the hell would they be glittering after? Sorry, sorry I'm calm!
The Ugly:
N/A… wait, what?
So in conclusion I would like to say to Miss Liz Christmas… I love you. Always have and always will. That smile, those legs, that voice, that a… oh, right. This is where we sum up this review right? Right. Yea, so Ninjas vs. Vampires - you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and then you have... one bad ass mofo of a flick. It has some nice action, a decent story and just enough fantasy to make things interesting. I thoroughly enjoyed it and I think you will too, so get yourself a copy today. And out of TOV 5 stars, I give Ninjas vs. Vampires a 4 and it's been Valkor Viewed, TOV Approved!
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna see if I can make Christmas come early this year…
