Hey folks, Valkor here. When Krush and I started TOV, we wanted to review shit that was under anyone and everyone's radar. And in keeping with that tradition I present to you a review of a film that I've never even heard of being in production. It's got action, laughs, and it also has... dance? Wait... What???? Action and dance??? *looks at the envelope* It says "Confessions of an Action Star", but what does that have to do with dance? Read on and find out.
Confessions of an Action Star, stars David Leitch, who plays stripper turned action star Francis Allen Sledgewick aka "Frank Sledge", in a mockumentary film where cameras follow Frank around, taking you along for a ride into his life starting with his days as a school dancer, his rise as an action film star, his fall from stardom thanks to alcoholism, until he rises once more and takes the role he was born to play: Action Hero Dancer! Frank stars in such films that are mock-ups of original films such as "Blood Fight 2" (Blood Sport 2), "Jimbo" (Rambo), "Below the Law" (Above the Law) and my personal favorite "Computer Generated Environment That Enslaves Us" (The Matrix). On top of all that you get a slew of cameos from Hollywood's A, B and some C-list actors, starting with Ernie Hudson, Angelina Jolie, Sean Young (Ace Venture Pet Detective), Richard Lewis, Kelly Hu, Hugo Weaving, Eric Roberts, Carrie-Anne Moss, and even Debbie Allen. How in the hell did David get all these actors to appear in this film? Whose dick did he suck? I wanna know! I'm serious because there are so many, you can actually make a drinking game of sorts out of watching this film and picking out all the stars. Basically, they give their thoughts and opinion of Frank by either singing his praise or cursing his existence. So where do we begin?
While watching COAAS, I thought to myself "Hey the lead should have been played by Ben Stiller". And I'll be damned if his name wasn't mentioned in the end song. But I digest. David Leitch does an amazing job as Frank Sledge and after checking out his list of credits over at IMDB, dude has done some serious stunt work as well as a handful of minor acting parts, bringing the two worlds together and making him the perfect fit for this film. The movie is all about his character Frank and he carries it well; since this is a mockumentary there have to be some laughs right? Well, there are. It's not " so many laughs per minute" funny, but you get some great visual jokes, plus the film parodies are spot on funny. Again, not hilariously funny, but funny nonetheless. Two of my favorite scenes are the montage towards the end where Frank learns to dance again, which SCREAMS Matt Stone and Trey Parker because I really wanted to hear that "montage song", but COAAS's end song "Dance with the Dragon" (Performed by Leitch) has some of the funniest lyrics I've heard in a while. Then there's the Matrix parody (THE Best scene in the entire film) featuring Debbie Allen (Showing off some nice cleavage) as a Morpheus type character. Seriously, this scene needs Michael Jackson; he needs the money. Pedophile or not that dance number where Frank faces off against the agents was calling his name. Finally, great job by the cameo appearances, especially Angelina Jolie and Ernie Hudson. I still don't know how you got them *slurp, slurp*, but I don't care. Eric Roberts I can understand, the dude has to eat, but Angelina?? Wow! Kelly Hu? Double WOW!! BRETT RATNER!!!!???? HOLY SHIT IN SHIOLA BATMAN!! Job well done!
The pacing of the film could have been tightened up as some scenes just drag on far too long, COAAS could definitely use more jokes too. I mean the jokes that are there is fun shit, but there could have been more gut busters. Also, I know it's a mockumentary film and the bleeps during the swear words help gives it that feel, but there are times that the swear words escape the bleeps and I'm like "well why have the bleeps to begin with?" Finally and this is a biggie: for a film about an action hero, there were no cameos from other action stars? Dolph Lundgren? Jean-Claude Van Damme? Steven Segal? Wesley Snipes? Guys who NEED the money (Especially Snipes), you couldn't get them involved in any way?
An Asian Jew who is stereotyped for knowing Kung Fu, but thinks he's told that because he's Jewish and not Asian. And another Asian guy, who's a stunt coordinator, is called "Bruce Rhee". BRUCE FUCKING RHEE!!???? COME ON!!!
Honestly, Confessions of an Action Star is quite an enjoyable film. It's a bit disturbing that it ends on an action/dance/musical number, which are three things that never go together. I mean, that's like having a movie about rough and rugged cowboys who are gay... ooooooooh riiiiight, it's been done hasn't it? Anyway, Action Star will get a January 2009 release and I say definitely check it out because it's filled with laughs, has some great action parody scenes, and fun cameos galore. Out of 5 stars, I'm giving Confessions of an Action Star 3.5, and if there's a sequel get Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Michael Jackson and Dolph Lundgren involved and I am sooooooo there!Valkor Out!