Hey folks, Valkor here. You know when it comes to films; I can be a very forgiving person. For example, Dragon Ball Evolution is widely touted as being a horrible film, yet for me, I liked it. Yea it was bad, but it was cheesy bad and sometimes that's a good thing. This past weekend I got to check out a film that was startin to grow on me... and then it all fell apart towards the end. I'm talkin about "Flesh, TX".
Flesh, TX is about a family of cannibals known as the Barleys; you have Ma (Wendy Crawford), Pa, who also doubles as the town's sheriff (Dale Denton), Sugar (Kathleen Benner), Fancy (Davina Joy), Butter (Amy Searcy), and Woody (Jose Rosete). There are other family members too, but they're not key to the story… at least not right away. Everyone has a role in this family and it's the job of Sugar to bring home the bacon (if only it were money). She heads out to the local watering hole and lures a fatty guy back to the home for "supper". Later at a gas station, mom and Daughter - Donna (Eleni C. Krimitsos) and Tabitha (Jada Kline), who are on their way to California, have a run in with Sugar. The two leave but return, because Tabitha remembers she has to go to the bathroom. This is when Sugar makes her move and Tabitha vanishes. This leads to Donna's first run in with Jonas Barley aka Pa (and it won't be the last). This sets off a series of events where Donna tries to find her child, leading up to the Barley's home and that really messed up final 15 - 20 minutes of the film.
From the box art and synopsis of this film, I had serious high hopes. But alas…
I wanna give major props to the one standout actor in this film and that's Dale Denton who does a fantastic job as Pa Barley. He has a bit of John Wayne, down home, country slow drawl of an accent that works so well it's scary. Kudos dude. But if you wanna talk hottie, and this was a tough call, but I'll point my pecker towards Eleni Krimitsos who is not only beautiful, but she has an ass that's like a bowl of Campbell's soup "It's Mmmm, mmmmm good!" Man if she had gotten naked at any point during the film I would have lost it… All over my couch… TV… ps3…
Ohhhhh boy where do I begin? Like I stated previously, this film started growing on me in the beginning, but there are so many glaring mistakes and serious problems that it begs the question: who the hell edited this shit and why couldn't they fix it up during post? Mistake one: When Tabitha is captured, she's placed in what appears to be an unlocked box with her hands loosely tied. You mean to tell me she couldn't just stand up and walk off when no one was lookin? At one point, after hangin out with Woody, she's placed back in the box with her hands UNTIED!! Next, Eleni, I love ya but I'm not sold over the fact that you want your daughter back in this film (But I did enjoy the run-ins with the Sheriff). Yea you're in a small town of yokels, but dude, I would be pissed off, especially when you have an idea of who the main suspect is - Sugar. Oh, and the Donna/Sugar fight at the end? Was that a joke? Come on now, who choreographed that cat fight? What happened to the clothes tearin? Boobies pressed together? Eye gouging? One of the best of the worst scenes in the film: Sugar is being punished because she took Tabitha's cellphone, which is a no-no in the Barley home (Gotta destroy the evidence). She's placed in a shed with her brother Sonny, who's a freak of a freak. But here is the best part; she's not locked in with him, she's forced into the shed with a giant tire placed in front of the door. RIIIGGGHT!!! Oh and there's no Donna/Sheriff face off! What the hell is up with that? They go head to head the entire film, but no end battle? That sucks!!!! Last one and this is the BEST of the worst scenes. Donna finds Tabitha and escape in a truck given to them by Woody. Mind you they got a good jump too. But when Pa finds out, they unleash Sonny to go and get em. HOW IN THE HELL WAS HE ABLE TO CATCH UP TO THEM ON FOOT!!!??? But Val, the truck got stuck! Fuck that! They still got a good jump, he shouldn't have been able to catch em. Oh and plus points on Donna hitting the guy who gave you your daughter and the truck to escape. Awesome!
This is a toss-up between Butter and Sonny, because… DAAAAAAAMN!
Flesh, TX so far wins the award for being the worst film I've had to sit through in 2010. It starts out kinda cool, but gets worse as the film progresses. The only saving grace to even justify watching this film is watchin Dale Denton's Pa, Elini's round ass, oh and lest I forget Davina Joy's Fancy gives us a nice show. But overall, it's really not worth the price of admission. Go watch Godzilla 1998 instead of setting your sites on this film. So out of TOV 5 stars, I give the film a whopping, much deserved 1 star.