Hey gang, Valkor here. It's been awhile since I reviewed a triple X parody, which I thought I'd have done several by now; I really enjoyed the ones I have reviewed and the ones that I have watched since… lacked the charm of Batman and The Simpsons. This next parody I would have liked to have been my all-time favorite because it's based on one of my favorite films. However Clerks XXX – a Porn Parody, while still good, it doesn't completely capture the spirit of Kevin Smith's film… but it's still damn sexy!
Clerks XXX centers on Dana (Allie Haze) and Randi (Lexi Swallow), two clerks who run an adult novelty store. This film, much like the original it's based upon, focuses on one day of their lives as they deal with not only crazy customers but also their relationships and how it affects them. The bulk of the weight is put on Dana (who wasn't even supposed to be there today) is completely miserable with her low paying job and her sucky relationships; her current boyfriend likes to have sex with dudes (37??) and her old boyfriend Gio (Brain Street Team) re-enters her life, but is quickly out of it after he has sex with an old guy in the store's bathroom. How can it get any worse? Then there's Randi, the lazy lesbian who really only has one problem – she's in love with Dana, but Dana doesn't realize it. Eventually the two will come together (pun intended) to find the happiness they've long desired. Oh and according to the film, Dana and Randi are supposed to be related to Dante and Randall and there's even mention of the Quick Stop where the two work. Is this canon? Can we get confirmation from Kevin smith on this?
What about Jay and Silent Bob counterparts? Yup they're there in the form of Jane (Chastity Lynn) and Silent Bertha (Kelly Divine), looking to turn tricks, get paid and smoke some weed – and not in any particular order (snoogins).
Clerks XXX: A Porn Parody does a mildly successful job of flipping the gender of our main characters and lifting elements from the original film including those title cards and scenes such as the 37 scene and the guy who really needs to use the bathroom but can't go unless he has a magazine. And we all know what happens after that right? Well this film takes it to a whole new level – butt plugs and all (don't ask). Also there are a couple of scenes that actually connect this film to the original. For example in "Clerks" there's a scene where Randall talks about what the average jizz mopper makes. In the parody we get to see Dana – as ta jizz mopper! Clerks XXX is also nominated for "Best Parody" in the 2013 NightMoves awards. And to be honest, this film has my vote.
The Good:
Clerks XXX: A Porn Parody has done what many films of its kind have done before it – create a film that stays true to the source, while remaining sexy and fun. There's a bunch of catchphrases and memorable scenes that fans of the original can appreciate, plus tons of sex to make it all worthwhile. Even though it's not in black and white, it works and everyone from cast to crew should be proud of their efforts. No one ever gives a nod to the acting in a triple X film, but Allie Haze deserves to be commended for her work, while not spot on perfect, she's pretty accurate to her male Dante counterpart but not as whiny. And not only is her acting decent, she also looks great doing what she does best. I also wanna give two boners up to the sexy Kelly Divine as Silent Bertha; just watching her go to work… Yea, it's that good. Finally I gotta give credit to the big guy, B. Skow for all his efforts in directing this wonderful film. Clerks XXX is a fun flick that I really enjoyed experiencing.
The Bad:
Now I know this is a porn parody, with emphasis on porn, and no one should expect anything more from it. But Batman and the Simpsons triple X, while keeping all the raunch intact, were actually able to maintain the charm of what they were parodying. Clerks had some pretty funny scenes and while Clerks XXX emulated those scenes well, there were some scenes that I wish were expanded upon. For instance, Gio just shows up with nary an introduction to the character. In Clerks all Dante ever talked about was Kaitlyn, so why not have Dana go on and on about Gio? There were also some scenes that were way rushed just to get to the sex, and given that this film ran for about 2hrs and 20 some odd minutes? I think we could have stretched those acting scenes a bit longer to smooth things out. My point is if it's all about re-creating some scenes for fan service, then OK I'm with it. But if you truly wanted to capture the charm of the original, then you gotta stick to the source, while still maintaining your own personality. Then again this is porn, fuck me what do I know?
The Ugly:
N/A
Clerks XXX: A Porn Parody, while not as great as Batman or The Simpsons XXX, is still a solid effort and does a great job of capturing "some" of the charm and humor of the original film. If you're in need of a fun and sexy parody, then you look no further. And as it stands, out of TOV 5 stars, I give Clerks XXX: A Porn Parody 3.5.
We're closed!
