Hey folks, Valkor here. This past weekend I was able to catch Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, probably one of the WORST reviewed films ever. I actually avoided reading every review because I knew little going in and I didn’t want it spoiled. But just be the headlines of some of the reviews out there… wow Michael Bay’s baby got put under the wringer. Well I’m here to say don’t believe the negativity, if you’re a lover of anything that’s Transformers, and if you love action films, then this is one you WON’T wanna miss.
The story of Revenge of the Fallen takes place 2 years after the first flick, where the soldiers of the first film have teamed up with the Autobots to hunt down any remaining or just arriving Decepticon forces. On top hero of the first flick Sam (Shia Lebeouf) is off to college. But a sliver of the destroyed Allspark fall off his sweater (the one he got banged up in, in the first flick), which he picks up and is instantly given all the knowledge of the Allspark and he starts seeing all these weird images. Plus the shard creates a bunch of new robots, namely one Wheelie (ugh!).
The Decepticons are down but not out. They steal a big piece of the Allspark that the army kept deep down in a bunker, which they use to awaken Megatron who was submerged in waters most deep. His awakening introduces us to the Fallen, leader of the Decepticons (???). We find out that through him, Transformers and Fallen soldiers alike have visited Earth once before. They built a huge device that would absorb the power of the Sun in their creation of Energon. But the seven Primes hid the key, one Matrix of Leadership, from Fallen so that no one could resurrect the device. So now it becomes a race to find this key and destroy this device before Fallen finds it and destroys the planet.
Yea I glanced over a lot of story, but you know what? THIS IS WHAT THE FIRST FUCKIN FILM SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABOUT!! This is the story of G1! It was all about Energon, not some stupid Cube! The first film kicked ass, but this kicked you right square in the balls. And you know what? I loved every minute of it! Here’s why:
First off you get tons of robots in this one. Not only that but each is now more distinguishable than in the first film; Arcee, the Twins, Devastator, to name a few. Plus they don’t pull any punches. I’m talkin they rip into each other without prejudice. Yea the action is turned waaaaaay up for this flick, to the point that I found myself cheering and yelling at scenes that just make your adrenaline rush; such as when Optimus is protecting Sam against not one, not two, but three Decepticons. He kicked their ASSES and it just felt so damn good to watch!!!
Next we have the Twins. This one I couldn’t avoid because they were everywhere; television, newspapers, online news, folks sayin that the film was racist, how the two characters portrayed blacks negatively stating they had gold teeth, talked street, and could not read. Uhmmmmm two words fuckos: FLAVA FLAV!!!! Those twins were fuckin funny, its art imitating life, everyone who claims the film is racist because of this, can go eat a dick. Seriously, the twosomes are barely in the film, and when they are in the film, they’re mostly driving. And the comment about them not being able to read… they couldn’t read CYBERTRONIAN, a language that existed long before they were ever created! Damnit why couldn’t anyone see that?? Seriously, they are not the Jar Jar Binks some might want you to believe.
Finally, its robots beating each other’s asses, you cannot ASK for anything more than that. Look you have your hardcore who love the shit outta Transformers, they grew up with em, and so the characters hold a place in their heart. BUT this is not THEIR Transformers, its Bay’s. Just like you have different variations of the cartoon series right down the latest animated series on the Cartoon Network (weak). It’s never gonna be G1, ever, so either we can accept what’s given to us and enjoy it or bitch and complain about how it ain’t as good as it used to be. And truthfully, I’d take Bayformers any day of the year.
Then there’s the end battle. It’s epic! Ok maybe not as epic as say Helm’s Deep in “The Two Towers”, but it’s big!
Finally there’s Jetfire Optimus Prime. Nuff said!
First is The Fallen. As little as the Twins were seen in the film, you see even less of this guy. Honestly why call the film Revenge of the Fallen, if Fallen makes a few brief appearances. Why not focus on the Decepticons collecting Energon leading up to finding this Energon machine? Next there’s Wheelie. Well… at least they didn’t make him rhyming Wheelie… then again I think I would prefer that version of the character than this one. Next there’s Soundwave. Who the hell thought it was a good idea to make him a satellite? He’s Megatron’s right hand bot and his most loyal, he shouldn’t be delegated to space duty; he should be on earth getting his ass served just like the rest of the Decepticons.
Just when the hottie Sam was gonna plow the hottie, she turns into some kinda terminatrix spy bot, in which he screams loud... like a woman… a few times. Hilarious, but damn scary.
So unless G.I. Joe totally blows me away, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is definitely the hit of the summer for me. Chockful of action, robots and laughs, what more could you ask for? UNICRON!!!! (No there’s no hint of him in the film; just stating what I want if there is to be a third). Out of TOV five stars, I’m givin it a perfect five, because it’s the perfect action film of the summer.